We are all familair and intrigued by the story of Joseph (Yosef ha'Saddiq) and the coat of many colors that was given to him by his loving father, Ya'aqob Abinu (Jacob). Our Rabbis of blessed memory extracted from this an important and essential rule in parenting: a person should be careful not to act in a way that will create jealousy amongst the siblings in the family. They state that the multi-colored coat initiated the process which eventually ended in the exile to Egypt. Rabbenu the Hida (in Nahal Qedumim) goes even further and says that all the four exiles were a result of the preferential love of Yaaqob Abinu to Yoseph. We are not attempting to analyze Ya'aqob Abinu's actions, however, we can derive a lesson for ourselves as parents.
In the Gemara of Shabbath (10, 2) our Rabbis warn us parents, not to differentiate between our children, or to display more love to one of them. It is important to consciously understand the different natures, qualities and strengths of each of our children. The Gemara of Berakoth tells us, "Just as there no two people whose faces are identical, so too, there are no two people whose ways of thinking are exactly the same." We all know this, but must also appreciate the uniqueness of each child. Our goal, as parents and teachers, is to encourage our children to develop and fulfill their potential. Each one is blessed with his or her own talents and each is valuable and precious. One may be a math whiz, the other a creative artist, and the third, a "people person". Every gift is precious and welcome.
When our children get such a message, they learn to be tolerant of others and to appreciate the uniqueness of those around them. They learn that differences are not a source of division, but rather a creation of harmony and perfection.
